babbling blue

I just got back from Portland (OR, not ME) last night. More about that in later posts, but first a rant. . .

My flight from PDX to ORD was scheduled to leave at 2:08pm. Guess what time it left? If you said “It didn’t” you win a prize! It was canceled. But it’s the reason for the cancellation that really boggles the mind.

The aircraft had two non-functioning lavatories. Why? Because someone on the previous flight put baby diapers into two of the toilets. Diapers. Into an airplane toilet. What the fuck? How stupid do you have to be? For one thing, there are signs in words and universal pictogram in all the lavs explaining that nothing but TP should go in those delicate toilets. For another thing, you wouldn’t do that at home, what on (or above) Earth would make you think it’s OK to do it on a freakin’ plane?

The maintenance crew was not able to get the mess unclogged in a timely fashion, so the flight was canceled and 100+ people had to be rebooked and most likely got to their destinations several hours late (for me, it was about 5 hours, flying to ORD through SFO). I’d like to find the shit-for-brains that did that and shove their face into one of those dirty diapers. And I bet I could find 100 or so people to line up behind me for their turn to do the same.

P.S. Happy Mardi Gras!

Dear Self,

Next time you decide to forget your wallet at home and not realize it until you’re at the train station, do it on a day when a) you’re not already running late for work and b) it’s not raining.

Sincerely,
Self

I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. All told, I think I was home for maybe 10 hours all weekend, not counting (all too little) sleep. And most of that was in the mornings between waking up too damn early and going to lunch.

Friday I went to dinner at Firefly with the boys. It was good, as always. After Firefly we went to Roscoe’s, which was moderately entertaining. Most of us went to Cocktail for awhile, but it wasn’t very exciting there, and when someone blew chunks on the floor it seemed like a good time to leave. We lost one, and two of us went back to Roscoe’s, which was a bit more interesting. Eventually got bored and went home, then messed around online until bed time.
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It seems to happen more and more. I’m on the Internet, minding my own business. I’m on weather.com, or some random programming site trying to figure out how the fuck to do something in Java (I hate Java), or reading about google’s latest foray into collecting as much information on us as possible (I think google could become SkyNet some day). And then…

BAM

WTF?!

There are these weigh loss ads, showing a fat belly and a skinny belly–before and after pictures. They might be alternating in animation form, or adjacent to each other but there they are. And one is a big, saggy gut chosen specifically for it’s undesirable appearance.

I don’t want to see that! I could easily have found examples to post here, but I don’t want to do that to my readers. I’m too nice. Plus, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about already.

STOP IT!

Coming soon to a bookstore near you, a new and improved literary classic. . .

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action.

By Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

I think I’ll have to suggest this for my book club as soon as it’s available (after April 15th).